Thursday – 2 April – 07:16am
I’ve started to put Prestik over all of the clocks displayed on my device screens – cellphone, laptop and computer. Yesterday, I realised that one source anxiety for me is the time and constantly checking it then thinking, “It’s already >insert time here< and I haven’t done >insert activity here< yet!” then I would feel frustrated; like I was running out of time and the day was not as productive as what it should have been.
I know that to some of you, especially those who are bored at home praying for the time to go by faster, I must seem like I’ve finally caught the crazy, but time has always been a weird trigger for me. More importantly, the feeling of running out of time.
Throughout my life, I’ve been told by almost everyone close to me that I’m too hard on myself when it comes to hitting my goals and doing well, and that I’m too young to be worrying about running out of time – and maybe there’s some truth to that. But I don’t think that being weary of time is necessarily a bad thing. It keeps us motivated, focussed and productive, but like anything, it’s all about moderating your weariness of it. In my case, because of the OCD in me, I can become fixated on time sometimes and hard on myself saying things like, “I’ll only reward myself with a break when I get to that point, regardless of how long it takes” or “Even if it takes me all day/night, I need to get this right otherwise I won’t be at peace with myself”. I expect a lot from myself when I commit to things so I tend to push too hard, but it’s just one psychological pressure point that I’m constantly working on.
It also comes down to time-management and rationing your time wisely. Weirdly enough, I’m really good at planning and organising my time for tasks and goals that I want to accomplish, but my friends (and sometimes family) will tell you that I’m often late for meet-ups or gatherings, which is pretty bad. I know I need to work on that too.
But overall, during this time, I noticed that I’m a lot calmer when the clocks are covered and I just let the day progress as it will. I suppose I also need to give myself some grace since I am working during this lockdown period and that takes a chunk of time out of my weekdays. Now and again, an unsuspecting timestamp on a file or email will sneak into view while I’m working, but I try my best to ignore it and not let it bother me.
So, because of this simple, yet effective tactic that I tried yesterday, I think I did pretty well with my goal list:
– Post 1 Letter from the Ledge every day
– Prayer, meditation and reflection – 1 hour (only managed like 15mins before falling asleep)
– Exercise for 30mins
– Read for at least 2 hours
– Clean the flat for 30mins
– Do a creative activity for at least 1 hour (does cooking count?)
– Do something that I’ve been procrastinating on (besides cleaning) for at least 1 hour
– Interwebs data useage allocation for the day – 10GB max
I just have to try to get around to doing the things that I haven’t gotten to since lockdown started.
Let’s see how today goes.
Be safe. Stay strong. Stay home.